Five-day Retreat Reflection with Zarko Andricevic
(DDM San Francisco)
A little poem I wrote right after the retreat.
trees, silent; insects, voices 樹默蟲吟
water illuminates the green blue sky 水照青藍
deluded, realized 似迷似悟
with a fresh new mind 初心油然
After a long drive through the winding roads of the Santa Cruz Mountains, we had finally arrived. As we neared, the grove of tall and slender redwood trees grew denser inviting us in where our campground nestled. These trees marched together in circular form as if we were congregating here for something special. Walking amongst these giants, I wondered, how long have they been standing here waiting for us? I contemplated on all that had taken place for this moment to happen.
Zarko Andricevic was our teacher for this 5-day practice period and on the first night, he gave a brief opening lecture introducing the topic of this retreat, Silent Illumination or 默照 (mò zhào). He was very calm, settled, clear-headed even though he came all the way from Croatia, and just had a seven-day retreat in Vancouver prior to California. All the volunteers presented a strong sense of readiness and preparedness at their respective jobs. Even though I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, the setup, the energy from the people and teacher and an overall sense of urgency from fellow practitioners elevated our individual will to be here.
Our first instruction was to do relaxation practice. Zarko talked about the history of Chan Meditation practice and its roots in Indian Yogic practice. He also continually emphasized that relaxation is the foundation of all meditation practice. The first two days were particularly challenging for me because I felt like I wasn't able to sit still. The myriad bodily sensations were distracting and I didn't understand what relaxation "should" feel like. It wasn't until the third day that I was able to see my fixation on wanting the sensations to go away by wanting the body to relax. The body habitually overreacted to discomfort and pain with resistance which led to more discomfort and pain. In seeing more clearly, my legs slowly rested into the floor, my body settled with the air, my mind accepted the current state of being and gained in confidence. I realized relaxation is much more than our conventional understanding of it, nor is it some special state of bliss to be achieved. It develops concurrently with other positive wholesome qualities such as trust, acceptance, effort, and compassion.
Next, we discussed different techniques of breath meditation as the next step following relaxation. Breath meditation was recommended by the Buddha as a remedy for delusion. Delusion being the root cause for all suffering, breath meditation is therefore widely used amongst all Buddhist traditions. Zarko further explained that the breath is the perfect medium that interfaces between the coarse form of our body and the fine movement of our mind. Concentrating and settling into the breath is a path to unify to body and mind. While being mindful of the breath was not difficult when there was deep relaxation, thoughts continued to fly in. At this point, I was reminded by Zarko to abandon the wondering thoughts. It wasn't until these mental movements calmed down that a deeper sense of ease and equanimity were allowed to arise. This glimpse of what is possible became a really positive motivation to practice.
While essentially similar to Samatha (concentration) and Vipassana (insight) practice, Silent Illumination is unique in that it utilizes both techniques at the same time rather than in sequence, as Zarko explained. Silent refers to the stillness of mind and body which is the concentration practice through relaxation and mindfulness of breath we started with. The key is to expand this awareness equally out from the breath to include our whole existence without discrimination. This pure awareness of the body sitting is, in essence, silent. And this silence has an illuminating quality, just like still water reflects all clearly. Therefore, if we can settle in that pure awareness without being caught by or judge what arises, we are practicing silent illumination. And with deep practice, we can carry this into daily life. Since this practice can theoretically be used in any situation Silent Illumination is also considered to be "non-method" practice, said Zarko.
These experiences are hard to put into words and I am still at my infancy of learning the Dharma. What I got most out of this retreat is the emphasis on the methods. Zarko continued to remind us, "go back to the method," "go back to the method." It was difficult at first because the mind conceptualized the method before I even had a chance to see it for what is. To really be able to practice the method, there need to be the right conditions and these conditions need to be cultivated with right intention and right view. The lectures taught us the right view, the sangha members/group practice strengthened our right intention/effort providing fertile ground for positive growth. And if we can be in the present moment with body and mind, we can reap what we've sowed. With practice, the method will take us to the present moment and the method is the present moment itself.
Zarko Andricevic is an amazing teacher! I am very inspired. He was very knowledgeable, very clear and methodical. Even though this was a relatively short retreat, he didn't try to pack us with knowledge. Instead, practice took priority. The teachings were paced out as he monitored our progress while pushing us along just enough to gain momentum. Dharma Drum had also done a tremendous job supporting us and organizing this retreat. I feel very fortunate to have had this opportunity.
As I write, thick smoke looms over the sky from the devastating fire in Northern California. It is a clear reminder for all of us the trauma that people are going through and that we are all responsible for everyone's wellbeing and our environment. May all those who have suffered be well.
Written by: Jordan T. (Dharma Drum San Francisco Bay Area Center, Chan Meditation Center in Fremont )
More info of DDM San Francisco